Uncontrolled taxation and common diarrhoea as a form of government
Most people are affected by diarrhoea or taxation at some time in their lives.
It is often accompanied by stomach pains, feeling sick and vomiting, usually at pre budget statements or any time Gordon farts.
It is usually due to consumption of drinking water contaminated with bacteria, excessive demands of hard earned cash demanded with malice, undercooked meat and eggs, undercooked policies or inadequate kitchen and cabinet hygiene.
In other words, an infection. This can lead to severe dehydration low cash flow and on severe occasions death of the individual or the economy.
Take Imodium I here you say, indeed I say. Give the bastard a scotch egg and send him to the other side of the wall to shut him up... but to no avail.
The brown stuff keeps oozing out. As recently as earlier this week the big blob let more methane escape from its uncontrolled bowels. Gordon mate when will you learn to say as little as possible. Supermarkets must stop offering offers... ok then, lets think this through a bit...
If supermarkets stop bulk offers in whatever form 3 for 2 etc economies of scale will be affected, resulting in more expensive food..doh.. in addition if you didn't buy as much every time you went you will need to go there more often doh.. and therefore increasing your travel mileage and fuel consumption doh... so a family with an average income are going to be loosing out on an number of fronts.
Fantastic!
But Gordon, wait, I think, I can spot your floating plan in this vortex of madness; Admittedly, it is apparent only when you make the connection with the next bit of loose stool further down the green and pleasant lawn. The tax on fuel.
You see the more you have to go to the supermarket the more fuel you use and the more tax you collect...boom boom. Next thing we know we can only buy what we can carry and to be fair to the third world you must only do it buy carrying on your head.
Anyway whilst all this was floating over from across the Pacific basin, the yapping yorkie fron Castelford was on TV.
Ed Balls Up's other half, Yvette Cooper, came to our screen to tell us there was a Plan... to save us from peril which apparently is the fault of the globe and our own bad behaviour. Very evangelical I thought.
Repent and you will be Saved.
Praise the Lord Gordon for he shall provide... but not a lot and not soon...
She said there is a plan for the medium to long term and the condition of the cycle must be met but no one can tell us when did the cycle start. Was it ten years ago or last Tuesday. A bout of diarrhoea smeared the screen as Jeremy Paxman tried to provide the poor creature with some Imodium but alas it did not work. The yorkie soiled the lawn and left.
We are by now covered in runny pooh and low and behold more emerges as we speak. The Road Tax details have suddenly emerged. The majority of motorists will NOT benefit. This is symmetrically opposite to what Gordon said last time.
But this time someone was listening so the shit has hit the fan and the the brown staff will be flying around for a while.
More recently that earlier this week GB -less of great and more of little britain -went on the BBC in some supine little programme with lightweight Islingtonites to project his stiff lighthearted personality. Amongst other utterings he also said something that actually agree with.
The Elgin Marbles should be nailed to the wall of the British Museum. Now I suspect this was as sign of Scottish solidarity. Elgin I believe was a Scott and even if he wasn't there is a place called Elgin north of Adrian's Wall but more than likely because no self respecting Scott would ever give anything back if it was paid for and the Marbles where paid for.
The fault actually lies with Turks who sold them to Elgin but hey mustn't let political correctness get in the way of good myth. Anyway as always I digress so back to nailing...
The only thing that should be nailed to the wall is Gordon Brown for the simple reason that in that last ten years he has been less than prudent. No savings for a rainy day, no advice that borrowing too much is not a bright idea, no help to old fashion minded savers, yes to allowing vast sections of the population opiate on credit whilst he skimmed the cream of profits and VAT, too many on the public payroll doing too little and driving productivity down, too many taxes making the economy less competitive and the public sector lazy in the mistaken belief that the there is plenty more where that came from... Until, it no longer did...
Pay back Gordon... Scotland is a great place to retire unless Alex Salmond is taxing you. Goodnight and bad luck.
And I leave you with this little symmetry of irony. In his later years, Elgin suffered from syphilis, which ate into his nose so at some point his face resembled the broken faces of the statuary from the east pediment as is currently on display in the British Museum.
It is often accompanied by stomach pains, feeling sick and vomiting, usually at pre budget statements or any time Gordon farts.
It is usually due to consumption of drinking water contaminated with bacteria, excessive demands of hard earned cash demanded with malice, undercooked meat and eggs, undercooked policies or inadequate kitchen and cabinet hygiene.
In other words, an infection. This can lead to severe dehydration low cash flow and on severe occasions death of the individual or the economy.
Take Imodium I here you say, indeed I say. Give the bastard a scotch egg and send him to the other side of the wall to shut him up... but to no avail.
The brown stuff keeps oozing out. As recently as earlier this week the big blob let more methane escape from its uncontrolled bowels. Gordon mate when will you learn to say as little as possible. Supermarkets must stop offering offers... ok then, lets think this through a bit...
If supermarkets stop bulk offers in whatever form 3 for 2 etc economies of scale will be affected, resulting in more expensive food..doh.. in addition if you didn't buy as much every time you went you will need to go there more often doh.. and therefore increasing your travel mileage and fuel consumption doh... so a family with an average income are going to be loosing out on an number of fronts.
Fantastic!
But Gordon, wait, I think, I can spot your floating plan in this vortex of madness; Admittedly, it is apparent only when you make the connection with the next bit of loose stool further down the green and pleasant lawn. The tax on fuel.
You see the more you have to go to the supermarket the more fuel you use and the more tax you collect...boom boom. Next thing we know we can only buy what we can carry and to be fair to the third world you must only do it buy carrying on your head.
Anyway whilst all this was floating over from across the Pacific basin, the yapping yorkie fron Castelford was on TV.
Ed Balls Up's other half, Yvette Cooper, came to our screen to tell us there was a Plan... to save us from peril which apparently is the fault of the globe and our own bad behaviour. Very evangelical I thought.
Repent and you will be Saved.
Praise the Lord Gordon for he shall provide... but not a lot and not soon...
She said there is a plan for the medium to long term and the condition of the cycle must be met but no one can tell us when did the cycle start. Was it ten years ago or last Tuesday. A bout of diarrhoea smeared the screen as Jeremy Paxman tried to provide the poor creature with some Imodium but alas it did not work. The yorkie soiled the lawn and left.
We are by now covered in runny pooh and low and behold more emerges as we speak. The Road Tax details have suddenly emerged. The majority of motorists will NOT benefit. This is symmetrically opposite to what Gordon said last time.
But this time someone was listening so the shit has hit the fan and the the brown staff will be flying around for a while.
More recently that earlier this week GB -less of great and more of little britain -went on the BBC in some supine little programme with lightweight Islingtonites to project his stiff lighthearted personality. Amongst other utterings he also said something that actually agree with.
The Elgin Marbles should be nailed to the wall of the British Museum. Now I suspect this was as sign of Scottish solidarity. Elgin I believe was a Scott and even if he wasn't there is a place called Elgin north of Adrian's Wall but more than likely because no self respecting Scott would ever give anything back if it was paid for and the Marbles where paid for.
The fault actually lies with Turks who sold them to Elgin but hey mustn't let political correctness get in the way of good myth. Anyway as always I digress so back to nailing...
The only thing that should be nailed to the wall is Gordon Brown for the simple reason that in that last ten years he has been less than prudent. No savings for a rainy day, no advice that borrowing too much is not a bright idea, no help to old fashion minded savers, yes to allowing vast sections of the population opiate on credit whilst he skimmed the cream of profits and VAT, too many on the public payroll doing too little and driving productivity down, too many taxes making the economy less competitive and the public sector lazy in the mistaken belief that the there is plenty more where that came from... Until, it no longer did...
Pay back Gordon... Scotland is a great place to retire unless Alex Salmond is taxing you. Goodnight and bad luck.
And I leave you with this little symmetry of irony. In his later years, Elgin suffered from syphilis, which ate into his nose so at some point his face resembled the broken faces of the statuary from the east pediment as is currently on display in the British Museum.
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